a year before the day

gotta have art

hidden in plain sight

if i had the world to give
i'd give it to you - long as you live
would you let it fall
or hold it all in your arms?
if i had a song to sing
i'd sing it to you - as long as you live
lullabye - or maybe a plain serenade
wouldn't you laugh, dance, and cry
or be afraid at the trade you made?
i may not have the world to give to you
but maybe i have a tune or two
only if you let me be your world

could i ever give this world to you

the grateful dead

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"it is a far, far better thing that i do, than i have ever done;

it is a far, far better rest that i go to, than i have ever known."

charles dickens, a tale of two cities

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it was a beautiful day
warm
but not extra hot
cool by the afternoon
clear blue sky
all day

spring is so wonderful
flowers everywhere
the powerful scent of jasmine
nature’s perfume
fills the air
jacarandas are blooming
roses
so too the pink ground flower
on the parkway in front
along with the yellow ones
and purple morning glory on the other side
the guava tree in the courtyard
have beautiful edible flowers
the oranges are really sweet now
and there is a bunch of ripe bananas
hanging from a tall tree

the world teacher
is now 15 months
still going
very energetic
likes to do
everything his parents do
wants to be a grown up already
but still a child
sweet papoo
who loves to play
saying a few more words
vocalizes a lot
in a most beautiful language
learning more each day
playing hide and seek
peekaboo
runs around
likes to dance
loves the water hose
playing in the bathtub
walking on different surfaces
toss the pink rocks in the front
eats them to get my attention
likes cherry
kitchrie
bread
biscuits
anything off the floor

gets angry often
my love does
when the young master doesn’t get his way
he’ll bang the holy head on the wall
likes to test the limits
i set for the lord
wants to do whatever
especially when prevented
gets stressed
when others around are
very shy with strangers
not friendly with other infants
hates loud noises
still hasn’t had a haircut
hair down to his mid-back
some knotted in the back

so good though
so patient with me
when i am watching tv
i’m always so tired
i never rest enough for my guru
i get angry at his highness
impatient
annoyed
stressed by my lord’s crying
i try not to take it out on his excellency
to not respond with violence
to not mirror the world
i have never disciplined the chosen one
it is better to change his attention
get the buddha to focus on something else
of course, i hurt our savior a lot
he hits the most precious forehead on concrete
with a dull, loud thud
why???
poor little master
such a careless daddy
siddhartha deserves so much more
so good the lord is

my savior is so beautiful
likes playing with his mom
so comfortable with her
when nursing
they spend all day
and night
together
she never gets to sleep
the master nurses all night
keeps mom up all night
she takes good care of the lord
in the daytime as well
even though she gets no sleep
the lord’s mother
is truly a super mom
doing what fathers cannot do
literally nurturing the chosen one
raising the mother’s favorite child
the way the earth mother herself does
the lord is truly blessed to have such care
sush is also so tolerant of me
she puts up with all of my bad habits
and gives me more time than I deserve

i’m gone in the morning
for four hours
comes back tired
to my lord
desperate
for some change
still loves his dad
cries for me to pick the holy body up
i do the best to carry the enlightened one around
rock the buddha to sleep
until by back hurts

i feel so tired all day
never feeling rested
always frustrated
at not having time
to do what i want to
write
create
research
just gel out

what is my relationship to money?
i grew up wanting money
obsessed with becoming a millionaire
wishing my family had money

as a child
staying at my wealthy uncle’s house
rather than at my own working class home

as a young adult
taxing my brain to manufacture wealth
out of thin air
with countless entrepreneurial ideas
business plans and proposals
trying to make a dollar
out of 15 cents

but then i also saw what money did to my relatives
the more money they had,
the more greed, exploitation and violence
envy, jealousy, and hatred
fights, life-long feuds, and death wishes
something a child should never wish for a parent
i am glad and grateful in a way
that my parents and siblings are poor
at least we can all still sit in the same room
how much do i really need
as opposed to how much i want?

as an adult

i have never had a lot of money
the most i have ever had was $15,000 in cash
i always wished that i had just enough to live on
so then i could devote my life to meditation

to try to find the door

that leads to the outside of my head

it doesn't take much to live simply

and i became almost satisfied

with whatever i had

what kind of legacy will i leave my child

a man programmed to pursue money

day in and day out

doing the same thing over and over again

going to the office

spending more time with business associates

than with family

pursuing money

rather than life and relationships

now, most of my bills are being paid
and i am well on my way to medation mount
still have to make a small living
hopefully doing something i love to do
taking care of my child
working from home
doing art and creative writing
enjoying the silence…