Showing posts with label ending thought. Show all posts
Showing posts with label ending thought. Show all posts

Friday, August 28, 2009

we are old friends




hot days and nights
burning beach sand
crashing waves
the mother cools

so sharp at three and a half
a child developing thought
through memorization
recall
repetition
thought is so ancient
becoming trapped into ego
is unavoidable
but the body is older
the most important lesson
is learning how to release thought
allowing the body to be free
of itself
breaking through the wall
of individuality
isolation
becoming one with all
the sand
birds
ocean

child on a week vacation
dad is unattached
feeling light
unburdened by guilt
managing some addictions
until the ex return
with her routines
court filings
child protective service
daily calls to the police
all in an ongoing attempt
to gain sole possession
to force a parent
to abandon his child

this i will never do
not because of ego
my child is like all children
with one significant difference
i am his biological father
this he nor i can deny
nor would we ever want to
our bodies are inter-connected
we are ancient comrades
together again for another lifetime
through countless births
i have never abandoned this comrade
this will not be the first time
even if he is more attached
to my greatest enemy

how does one deal
with eternal foes
reflecting hate
can never lead to truth
and it is not possible
to calm a self-righteous monster
the only recourse
is patience
steadfastness
maintaining integrity
until they decide
to lesson their own torment
by loosening your chains

Monday, November 17, 2008

UG2



I continue to be intrigued by UG's ideas. I guess it shows that I'm still interested in permanent happiness. There is in fact no state of sadness or happiness. Pain and pleasure are both momentary. They come and go in reaction to stimulus. It is pointless to try to achieve or avoid either state.

In fact sorrow is caused by the very effort of wanting to be happy. This pursuit can only lead to fraustration and disappointment. The body does not even know it is alive. Pain and pleasure are felt and then gone. There is no memory or trace. It is thought that suffer and cries. The body is only interested in survival and has no knowledge of thought.

Why this quest for permanence? Why can't I just relax and enjoy myself? Why do I feel compelled to work myself into the ground in search for meaning and continuity? I am trying to escape from thought while using thought as my vehicle.

This will not work. Only by becoming completely selfish, completely engaged by thought, which I already am, will I ever be free from it. The very act of trying to be less selfish results in more thoughts. I can try to emphasize the body and be more aware of my senses, but if this becomes part of seeking permanence it will only increase thought.

There is no escape and the brain is not an instrument than can be used to gain an exit.

This reminds me of Schopenhauer's negative dialectics. Life is years of sorrow with moments of joy. All attempts at happiness is futile. Can thought accept this? Will thought ever agree to end itself?

Wednesday, June 04, 2008

facing ug

God and enlightenment are the ultimate pleasures, with their promise of uninterrupted happiness. Paradise, transformation, moksha, and self-realization, are all variations of the same idea of permanent happiness. However, these states are merely ideas, and do not exist.

Besides, the body cannot take uninterrupted pleasure for long, and would deteriorate quickly in such a state.

The root of all my problems, and of all human problems, is this longing for something that does not exist. In fact, wanting a fictitious, permanent state of happiness is actually a serious neurological disease. However, it is one that only "I" can solve, and it is almost impossible for "I" or anyone else to do so.

There is no spiritual faculty within me, such as intuition or faith, which could serve as an instrument to guide or save me. Intuition is nothing more than a form of subtle and refined thought, and faith is just a form of hope without any foundation.

There is nothing inside my head other than a collection of random memories.

There is no me or "I".

The notion of an enduring or permanent psyche or self, is merely a concept thrown up by thought.

The so-called "I" is born anew each moment with the birth of each thought.

However, I am trapped in this notion of permanent self, and there is no way out of my longing for permanent happiness either!

I cannot reason my way out of this madness.

Whoever said that man was a rational being deluded himself and deluded us all.

The driving force of human action is not rationality. It is power. Rationality is itself an instrument of power. The rationalist approach is based on faith in the ability of thought to transform the human condition. This faith in thought is groundless.

Thought is a divisive, and ultimately, destructive instrument.

Though is only interested in its own continuity.

Thought turns everything into a means of its own perpetuation.

Thought can only function in terms of a division between the so-called self or ego, and the world.

And this division between an illusory self and an opposed world is ultimately destructive because it results in the aggrandizement of the "self" at the expense of everything else. Thus, the self is completely irrational.

That is why everything born of thought is harmful in one way or another. So thought is not an instrument which can transform our condition.

All attempts to become free from the stranglehold of thought only perpetuate the self, and entrench us more deeply in thought.

All attempts at improving the self -
at detachment or renunciation,
positive or negative thinking,
understanding, knowledge,
meditation, religious or spiritual pursuits,
social reform or revolution
- all of these,
being initiated by thought,
can only maintain and strengthen the self.

These ideas cannot free me from thought.

There is no use in analyzing or trying to understand thought. There is nothing like observation or awareness of one's own thought process since there is no subject or observer independent of it. The division between thought and an independent subject or observer is an illusion created by that very thought. What we have is just another process of thought about "thought".

Spiritual and psychological goals also have no basis or foundation. What is it that attains the so-called enlightenment? What is it that realizes or transforms itself? What is it that attains happiness?

Absolutely nothing!

Thought and the self are nothing.

These goals have been projected by thought to keep itself going. And that's all there is to it.

As for death and afterlife, nothing inside me will reincarnate after death. There is nothing inside my head besides fear.

Fear of the unknown.

My experiencing structure cannot conceive of any event that it will not experience. It even expects to preside over its own dissolution, and so it wonders what death will feel like. It tries to project the feeling of what it will be like not to feel.

But in order to anticipate a future experience, my structure needs knowledge, a similar past experience it can call upon for reference. "I" cannot remember what it felt like not to exist before the body was born, and "I" cannot remember my own birth, so "I" have no basis for projecting my future non-existence. Yet the fear of death is the greatest fear of all.

Interestingly, there is a native or natural intelligence within each living organism. It is this intelligence which is operative in the extraordinarily complex systems of the body, for example, in the immune system. My acquired "intelligence" of the intellect is no match to the native intelligence of the body.

The native intelligence of the body is unrelated to my intellect, and therefore it cannot be used or directed to solve the problems created by thought in any way. It is not involved in the machinations of thought.

Thought is the enemy of this innate intelligence of the body. Thought is harmful to the harmonious functioning of the body because it turns everything into a movement of pleasure and the pursuit of permanence. This is the way it ensures its own continuity. The demand for pleasure and permanence destroys, in the long run, the sensitivity of the body.

The body is not interested in permanence. Its nervous system cannot handle permanent states, pleasurable or painful. But thought has projected the existence of permanent states of peace, bliss, or ecstasy in order to maintain its continuity. There is thus a fundamental conflict between the demands of the "mind" or thought and the functioning of the body.

The only freedom there is, is to be free from the very idea of freedom.

The universe has no cause, no beginning, and no end.

When somehow this realization sinks into us, when the whole field of the self is exhausted, only then can a physiological mutation take place.

When this occurs, the living organism is freed from the stranglehold of thought, and returns to its naturally peaceful condition. Thought then "falls into its natural rhythm" by coming into active function only when it is needed in a situation.

But this is not something that can be caused by any `effort or volition' on my part. In fact, the necessary condition for it to happen, is for all effort to cease.

And for a few, rare individuals, this self-perpetuating process of thought do come to an end.

However, this does not imply a state totally bereft of thoughts. The ideal of a thoughtless state is one of the many hoaxes to which many have fallen victim. When the self-perpetuating mechanism of thought collapses, what is left is a harmonious mode of functioning of the living organism in which thoughts arise and disappear in accordance with a natural rhythm and in response to a challenge.

Thus the problem is thought as a self-perpetuating process and not the occurrence of thoughts per se.

In the "natural state", the state of functioning of the body free of the interference of thought, thoughts are not a problem. It is not that there are no sensual thoughts, for example, in this state. But they do not constitute a problem. One is not concerned about whether the thoughts are "good" or "bad", or about whether they occur at all.

How can such a man have a sensual thought?' Actually, there is nothing he can do to suppress that thought, or to give room for that thought to act. The thought cannot stay. There is no continuity, and no build-up. One knows what it is and there it ends. Then something else comes up.

thoughts based on U. G. Krishnamurti's