Sunday, February 15, 2009

nothing




you run around
while i chase you
you sit on ground
i sit there too
you dig the sand
i dig the view
you hurt your hand
i want to hug you

you climb on up
i have to warn you
you jump on down
i try to catch you
you're feeling hungry
i'm there to feed you
you're feeling tired
i soothe you

its just the two of us
on an average day
driving in the car
you're in the back
chilling in the child seat
waking from your nap
and we both excited
looking for a spot
can't wait to go inside
daddy's new home

Monday, February 09, 2009

little star




twinkle, twinkle little star
how i wonder where you are

coughing again
poor child
short visit with dad
on a cool, rainy day
at the very end
the child started singing
for the first time
just before she took him away
for two more days

what is this strange hell
i've placed myself in
ever since my child left
i've been unable to function
missing my heart so much
unable to be with him
in a meaningful way
wasting my life
while my child grows
without me
filled with so much hate
hurt
hopelessness
capable of anything

thought has it triggers
this song is one of them

divorce
is a deep pain
it affects everyone
friends and relatives alike

another call
another relative
taking to others
about the divorce
defending the indefensible
"he is a big man
he knows how far to bend
he gave it his all
to make it work
there is nothing more
he could do
the kid will grow up
time flies"
father thanks brother
for telling him
he needed to hear to that
then he talked about the mother
and her views about it

while everyone weeps
the child is oblivious
impervious to attachment
simply accepting what is
neither happy or sad
part of the movement of life
not yet trapped in thought

thought has placed us here
to live out its desire
for continuity
through attachment
longing
grief
to escape from all this
to be like the child
thought cannot be used
it is not a tool
there are no tools

Friday, February 06, 2009

carpe diem




awake with me to watch sunrise
step through darkness to light
raising up with the dawning
growing into a circle of life
center on the radiant energy
emerging from the endless void
open your wings and take flight
its another beautiful morning

children are in the moment
constantly moving
fathers who relate
must move right along
the minute you feel sorry
you're back in past
adapt or suffer
there must be no regret
do what you can
life will fill in the gaps

the world
is filled with pain
that of me and my child
does not compare
to billions starving
in focusing on one child
we neglect all others
the inherent unfairness
of this obsession
in self-interest
is the root of human problems

this does not mean
one had to be unconcerned
uncaring
dis-attached
to give up the struggle
from one's children
its not either/or
one can do both

divorce is death
to the nuclear family
it is also the beginning
of single life
which can be rewarding
a time of acceptance
rediscovery
renewal
sharing precious moments
with child
and the world
doing what you can
with what time you've got
with child or without
keeping in mind always
that the greatest gift
to your children
is the gift of you
being yourself