hot day
90s in summer's heat
heaven found
on a beach
cool waves crashing
on warm feet
bubbles and surf
sand and water
together or apart
always complete
child splashing
playing catch with mother
delight in each kiss
pure joy
in each wave's death
five, small and skinny
not an ounce of fat
tan brown body
for every woman
"oh, he's so cute"
riding fast downhill
without training wheels
a dare-devil in training...
loves fast cars
bmw, mitsubishi
but really wants an infinity
knows the make of most all cars
and model of many
can recognize make from afar
from the side or partially hidden
from their lights or symbol
i can only recognize symbols
and have to ask him
what kind of car this or that is
whenever i can't see their symbol
definitely smarter than me
we have a hundred toy cars
play hot wheels wii game
racing each other
even if i try hard
he usually wins
he has to win at everything
in the computer racing game
i am never allowed to pass him
score a goal in soccer
ride in front of him on the bike
likes being a fireman
but really wants to be a policeman
in school, the other boys play
star wars, catching bad guys, etc.
with sweet, tiny fingers
he makes the shape of a gun
and points to shoot bad guys
in daddy's room, re-named
radiator springs
we have no guns or shooting games
and we pretend to shoot sleeping darts
can read some sight words
loves art and stickers
baseball and frisbee
eating is a problem
"dad, sometimes i eat hotdogs"
"they taste so good."
his mother is not vegetarian
veggie wokery/bonnie's food
is the staple for daddy days
chicken with vegetables
lowmein, soup
loud
booming
explosions
fireworks
celebrations of masculine power
and violence
sad news from deen
his eldest son, ali, all of 15 years
in jail at riker's island
burglary with friends
i think of all the boys and men
that i know of personally
friends, nephews, relatives
in jail, hurt, or killed
because of masculinity
jailed for child abuse
strokes from alcohol
shot over a girlfriend
killed in a car crash with friends
and i look at my innocent child
and wonder...
will masculine excess take him too
