the new world teacher

ticking away the moments that make up a dull day
you fritter and waste the hours in an off hand way
kicking around on a piece of ground in your home town
waiting for someone or something to show you the way

tired of lying in the sunshine staying home to watch the rain
you are young and life is long and there is time to kill today
and then one day you find ten years have got behind you
no one told you when to run, you missed the starting gun

the days are warm
cooler at nights
mornings are cold

the native and mediterranean plants
are still thriving
even though i turned off the sprinklers
over two months ago.
sages and salvias
lavenders, lantana
ceanothus, morning glory

there is such a profusion of plans
when viewed from the front
even the bougainvillea
is starting to flower

evenings have that special red glow
as we swing in the park
the lord waits all day
for the moment
daddy comes home at 5:30pm
changes quickly,
and rushes little buddha off to the park
before it grows dark

baby is growing each day
different each day
i love taking pictures
as i try to capture the changes

my lord is so agile on the ground,
a very good crawler indeed at 8 months
jad loves trying to climb
up the sides of a wall, sofa
anything really
then he’ll fall down
and climb up again
over and over again
such a hard worker
relentless
in his pursuit of freedom

such a good baby

and such a wonderful mommy

and grandma
grandpa
and danny

gautama is also starting to eat food
besides being breastfed
he is always looking
whenever we eat

sush makes jai bhim
cereal with banana
prune juice
apricot jam
avacado
beans

of course the doctor says
bhim rao is too small for his age
and “when are you going to give him the vaccines?”

baby plays by himself these days
for minutes at a time

poor jad is teething
with two small front tooth
on his lower jaw
very sharp
like a razor they are
he has to be chewing on something all the time

ravi has anger now
when his is crying
and not being picked up
kicks his feet on the floor
throws himself about
and bangs his toys

papu loves people though
he loves playing
easy to smile
still makes dolphin-like sounds

when the lord climbs up
against the sofa
he’ll release himself
for a second or so
he balances by himself
then he comes crashing down
and bangs his head

that is the bad part

he is always hurting himself

and i feel so guilty
when i end up causing him pain
i cry too

my life is so frantic
hectic and guilt ridden
over not spending enough time with the lord
and wanting to spend time away
from having to take care of him

be still my beating heart
i feel love for him
for life
for myself

i have an opportunity to start something new
do something completely different

i am also growing each day
learning to crawl
standing on my own two feet
it is very scary

but like the buddha
i am determined to understand
and determined not to quit trying
until i go deeper
into how much i am capable of growing
who i am capable of being
what i am capable of doing

everything happens for a reason
the mother makes it so
just as the universe is boundless
in its energy
and expansiveness

jad is there to show me the way
to help me grow and learn

little buddda is my teacher

i must be a true disciple
to learn anything
to learn everything

to stop the endless questioning