oh god, it's raining
but i'm not complaining
it's filling me up
with new life
the stars in the sky
bring tears to my eyes
they're lighting my way
tonight
and i haven't felt so alive
in years
just for a day
on a day like today
i'll get away from
this constant debauchery
the wind in my hair
makes me so aware
how good it is to live
tonight
and i haven't felt so alive
in years
the moon
is shining in the sky
reminding me
of so many other nights
but they're not like tonight
depeche mode
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------absolutely gorgeous day
lots of sunlight
warm
just right
crows sparring
in flight
pine trees
majestic
in height
the night
clear
stars
shinning bright
ah! friendship
tom visited for a few days
the four of us
dancing
having good time
it was great
having someone else over
families
get stuck
in the ways we treat each other
relationships become stale
days are spent in
boredom
fraustration
conflict
tom was a great mixer
to shake things up
and to help out a little bit
with childcare and chores
goes to show
you don’t need much
to make life that much
more bearable
my friend is so poor
and in debt
yet tom is not as stressed
or depressed
as i am
with so much more
than he has
why
it is due to the perspectives
and expectations
i have of myself
and more importantly
what others have for me
i feel trapped
and rushed
into fulfilling the expectations
of my wife and her family
as well as my own family
which screams aloud 24/7
“get a job!”
doesn’t matter
any job
i always freak out
when cornered
or completely pressured
my natural reaction
is to resist
and rebel
so i am trapped
in rebellion as well
yet i have been so blessed
by the mother
who has always provided
everything that i needed
food, clothes, shelter
morals, education, values
affection, exploration, insight
everything
i have never ever had a need unmet
in all of my life
all the mother asks
in return
for all of her abundance
is for me
to take care
of her
and of her favorite child
my lord buddha
i have
the greatest influence
on my own child
i serve as the role model
for the young master
to learn and follow
who only mirrors what he sees
good and bad
everyone gets a chance
to raise their children
in the best way they feel fit
it is now my turn
what will i do
will i repeat the mistakes of others
or try to do things differently
chart my own way…..
i took a vow
not to fight
in front of my lord
i will heed
the mother’s request
on my death bed
with my last breath
i will not regret the most
not working at some job longer
or not getting more money
but not spending more time
with my wife and child
with the mother
in nature
no longer able to bear
pressures, expectations, guilt
the pain of conditioning
loss and separation
i have decided to commit suicide
the self
myself
with all of its conditioning
is now dead
what remains
the body
is granted life
for just a moment
to honor the earth
and all of its children
i
am only alive
from moment to moment
when in silence
