whys this fussing and a-fighting?i wanna know, lord, i wanna know
whys this bumping and a-boring?
i wanna know, lord, i wanna know now
we should really love each other (love each other)
in peace and harmony (peace and harmony), ooh
instead, were fussing and fighting (fussing and fighting)
and them workin iniquity (... iniquity)
fussing and fighting, bob marley
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hot summer day and nites are here
with a cool breeze here and there
trees are a blessing
for the shade they provide
mornings are best
with the night’s clouds not yet evaporated
the beach was glorious
expansive and playful
like a child enjoying the sand
we enjoy nature together
smelling flowers
looking at ants
bugs, grasshopper, spider, snails
birds, bees and butterflies
a rabbit, cats, dogs
shows such delight in them
by squeezing both hands
makes sign for breastfeeding
twists wrists
for all done
points to objects and say their names
moon
light, cat, dog, car
is very sensitive
cries if you shout at him
or hurt him accidentally
makes such a sad face
with an innocence that asks,
what did i do to deserve this?
so touching, it melts you
and you give in to whatever he wants
gets upset when bored
which is often
loves outside
still falls on his forehead
and puts everything in his mouth
now as a game with me
to see who wins
me preventing him
or he hiding it from me
of sticking it inside his mouth
before i can get to him
this is a game that i cannot ignore
or he’ll literally put garbage in his mouth
so i pack him up
and take him in the stroller
or inside
until the next time
he is in the mood
to play this game with daddy
almost a year and a half
my lord is
but already knows so much about life
physically and psychologically
the concept of
light and dark
on and off
open and close
that life is constant conflict and fighting
between dad and mom
dad and grandma/grandpa
dad/mom and uncle
mom and grandma/grandpa
grandma/grandpa and uncle
that life is constant pain and sorrow
baby gets hurt and cries
baby gets bored and cries
other children cry
mom cries
dad cries
grandma cries
that people are basically unhappy
everyone he knows is miserable
complaining half of the time
or arguing the other half of the time
that his life is a huge burden to his parents and grandparents
who constantly fight over having to take care of him
that a mother’s life is thankless
and taken for granted
that a mother’s work is never done
her day is spent cooking, cleaning
taking care of baby and dad
her nights taking care of baby
that even after years of this
mom can never stop worrying
or feel that she has done enough
or feel that anyone is appreciative
of even one percent of her work
that communication is proving that you are a better person
and showing that the other person is worthless
you know more, they know nothing
you care more, they couldn’t care less
that life is full of expectations and disappointments
that people use him all the time
they only like him when he is quiet
they use him to feel good about themselves
they want to touch and hold him if he is cute
but when he cries, everyone hates him
and blames him for being upset
even though he is completely dependent
they will do little to help him feel better
that people judge you
based on how they feel about your parents
that he is special only to his parents
i must lose my life
to give him life
during the past two years
i have only aged
double or so
and i need to age faster
much faster
so this existence will be shorter
i will be lucky
if the agony of my existence
is not prolonged too much
this time around
i think that i have evolved enough
so far in this lifetime
to come back as a non-human
in the next cycle
please mother
no longer let me be human
help me to live as an animal
in the moment
re-born each second
alive
i want to be as low on the chain as possible
perhaps remaining as bacteria for a few million years
i think the higher up the chain you go
the more time you spend
trapped inside your head
in endless thoughts
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