moving on

yesterday was friday
and the child slept late
with them
i saw him only after 4:30pm
when he awoke from a nap
we spent three hours
three real short hours
playing
watching tv
eating

she came promptly
at 8pm
then he had to go
with me in tears
when they left
as when they came

the child wonders
why is daddy crying
because "i miss you"
i explain
"because i see so little of you"
the child does not understand
poor jad

the next day
with pleading voice
a child on the phone
many times saying
"wanna see daddy"
"wanna see daddy"
so insistent that she
offered to switch days
to see daddy today

but daddy has moved far away
and can no longer see baby
on a whim

the child must bury pain
attachment
desire
longing
dare i say "love"

for the other
for wholeness
normalcy
a father

but no
not in this life

in this manifestation
this 2 year old
must develop
enormous patience
submission
subservience
and wait for days
to see his father

it must be made to realize
that maintaining feelings
for dad
will only result in pain
until it can cultivate
hate
disgust
loathing
and mirror their feelings

until then
the child's paternal affection
represents a threat
a son' love
hints at a reality
very different
from the script the child
is supposed to learn
it must be extinguished

what a conundrum
to place a child into
who can blame them
for acting out
and shutting down
it may be vital
and necessary
for their own psychic survival
to help them cope
with endless conflict
with endless thought