windy cold day
gray and cloudy
36 hours is an eternity
for a child on a seconds clock
enough to go from love to hate
from one daddy day to the next
fussy child
resenting being thrown out
of mother and home
to a lone stranger
preferring grandma
crying to go back to mommy
mixed blessings
losing attachment to a father
children aren't as sad
over destruction of family
and remain clueless
to paternal pain
thankfully they're in the moment
whatever it is
still too young
to cultivate sorrow
we stop at a dog park
dozens of animals
large and small
white, brown and black
most are from a shelter
spending a few hours outside a cage
happy to be alive
acting the same
its funny to see
owners treating one as special
children are no different
walking to the beach
warm sand
using blocks
watching trucks
gathering wild flowers
sleeping to the sound of waves
never wanting to leave
cupcakes are a huge draw
thank god for vegan restaurants
nine and a half hours later
saying goodbye to a new friend
hugging him one last time
attached for the moment
how do these daily changes
uncertainly
difference
rejection
abandonment
affect a growing psyche
and fuel conflict in the world
so many more things
can be done for a child
within a community
dad alone can do so much
mom is tired all the time
showing only hate and anger
for each other
the realities of modern life
where children are valued
in terms of future accumulation
who cares damn how they get through the day
thought is ready to give up
wishing for a childless past
freedom for someone else fantasies
life before this living hell
to cut loose from the careless finger
toying with the yo-yo of fatherhood
assuming they know how the enemy feels
fathers are quick to receive superior wisdom
from other divorced mothers
filled with cruel irony
revealing the utter futility of their enterprise
"life goes on" -
and so it does
second after painful second
"it gets better" -
i suppose there is a difference
between 99 and 100 degrees water
i should be thankful that one leaves me
with slightly less severe burns
"hang in there" -
this one is just plain cruel
as if it's meant to be taken literally
advice this self delusional
regurgitated from the depths
of thought's selfishness
i can do without
and thankfully never received
for a man in the same predicament
at the end of the visit
all that matters
is missing a child
and waiting patiently
to see which one will show up
the next time
after being worked over and worked up
for another 36 hours
into father-hating thoughts
the only antidote for which
is another beautiful daddy day
