we are old friends

hot days and nights
burning beach sand
crashing waves
the mother cools

so sharp at three and a half
a child developing thought
through memorization
recall
repetition
thought is so ancient
becoming trapped into ego
is unavoidable
but the body is older
the most important lesson
is learning how to release thought
allowing the body to be free
of itself
breaking through the wall
of individuality
isolation
becoming one with all
the sand
birds
ocean

child on a week vacation
dad is unattached
feeling light
unburdened by guilt
managing some addictions
until the ex return
with her routines
court filings
child protective service
daily calls to the police
all in an ongoing attempt
to gain sole possession
to force a parent
to abandon his child

this i will never do
not because of ego
my child is like all children
with one significant difference
i am his biological father
this he nor i can deny
nor would we ever want to
our bodies are inter-connected
we are ancient comrades
together again for another lifetime
through countless births
i have never abandoned this comrade
this will not be the first time
even if he is more attached
to my greatest enemy

how does one deal
with eternal foes
reflecting hate
can never lead to truth
and it is not possible
to calm a self-righteous monster
the only recourse
is patience
steadfastness
maintaining integrity
until they decide
to lesson their own torment
by loosening your chains

favorite songs

nice clean sand
hot day at dume beach
at the far point
we climbed to the top of the hill
at sunset
300 degrees of ocean
waves crashing below

attachment is a curse
forever carrying shadows
of loss and pain
there is nothing else
besides escaping from this shadow
in our life

time is a cruel ordeal
forcing divorced children to struggle
with attachment
each daddy day
but managing the conversion
from stranger
to child
then back to stranger again
in six hours
cannot be easy
how does this affect a child
living a life of separation
never having any stability
any normalcy or security
hopes of reconciliation
raised and crushed each day

they withdraw
practice dis-attachment
self-hate and ambivalence
but they are still children
who want to love their father

a three year old searches for memories
of their last meeting
of favorites songs heard
of people, places and things
desperate to connect
to find common ground
with the stranger
before he is lost again

all is maya/illusion
attachment is thought
thought exist because of fear
fear of the unknown
fear of the present and future
too fearful to live
we hide in illusion
we use thought to interpret the present
and predict the future
to mitigate our fears
but then thought takes over
and we stop living
thought is a mess
its only aim is continuity
it serves up ego
self-aggrandizement
guilt, greed, jealousy, hate, love
everything including the kitchen sink
to keep us enamored and entrapped

accepting shadows
accepting the unknown
makes a moment possible
of ending thought