i was walking along a crowded street
headed to lunch at a seedy restaurant
all alone with a heavy heart
desperate to escape from my part
in the failure of a beautiful start
running away from loss and anger
refugee from the land of pleasure
lady luck laughing at each corner
at my eyes glued to the floor
wary, shy, hopeless to find
someone with me in mind
unwilling to settle for less
knowing i'm far from the best
searching blindfolded for a mirage
watching hours blend into days
joylessly existing in a magical universe
living becomes just growing old
waiting, waiting to be free from pain
waiting, waiting for sunshine and rain
waiting, waiting and going insane
waiting, waiting to be daddy again
--------------------------------------------------
out of the blue
she allowed my child to call
"daddy, can you come over?"
a few words then click
it should make me happy
but instead i am devastated
reminded of the petty greed
that led to a child growing up alone
denied a father for no reason
denied visits to paternal grandparents
denied a minute beyond scheduled court time
as they place him in mental captivity
gloating and plotting
as they instill hatred into my child
"daddy, why don't you have any money?"
"why do you have such a small home?"
"i will call the police on you"
"i want the police to lock you up"
my poor tormented child
daily confusion is a way of life
watching his worlds dissolve
into a toxic soup of hatred and death
raised to ignore paternity and reality
raised to be insanely greedy
to chop the last tree standing
before the next fool makes the buck
parroting them calling daddy a fool
for trying to live differently
being who i am naturally
rather than trying to be
someone else
living their misery
