sickness

cold nights
down to freezing temps
mirror cold hearts
in the lives of waring parents

poor child
missing family
suffering from absence
of carefree days with dad
forced to attend a ghetto pre-school
filled with sorrow and germs
women who can't handle motherhood
abandoning biological ties
exchanging lovers
trading partners
seeking escape from childcare

sweet innocence
living in sickness
loss and becoming
but every other day
i take him for 6 hours
renew his spirit
and body with abandon
healing scars of motherhood
greed and possession
until he returns to servitude
confinement and domination
to become sick again

for a simple flu
he is rushed to the doctor
placed on anti-biotics
wiping out all good bacteria
and just as he starts to get better
forced into the germ-infested school again
to get another flu
rushed again to the doctor
for another week of anti-biotics
each time he gets dad sick
but dad doesn't take any medication
just allows his body to heal naturally
as his child suffers from being drugged
with toxic pharmaceuticals
for no reason
now a week later
they have him on an inhaler
more drugs on the hour
as his health deteriorates
from the medications
and on top of all this
the mother plans last minute trips
driving 1200 miles to visit her friend
with the child strapped into the car seat
for hours upon hours
more absence from dad
undue worry and concern
psychological and medical abuse

denying father's time
at every opportunity
for spite and disregard
today he is returned to me
for a few hours
i have to ignore all this
be calm and wholesome
heal from my own anger
in order to heal my child

a child sicken with medication
caused by undue maternal worry
trapped into a patriarchal mindset
motivated by guilt
greed
possession

i have many allies
the sun, trees and wind
all work to help their offspring

forgiveness

vast pacific
stretching into infinity
healing with each breath
receding into memory
another move ends
entering a new space
next to an old friend
an olive tree
home for singing birds
sunsets and me

we miss the beach
and what it gave wantonly
to a lovely child
and heartbroken father
adventure and discovery
renewal and belonging
bonding and silence
peace, freedom and serenity
a year of growth
from two to three
co-parent to divorcee
all of living in between

moving away was hard
but it had to be done
to be closer to child
to lower carbon footprint
into suburbia's death
crass neighbors
sleepwalking through life
accepting monotony as routine
work, eat, sleep
repeating endlessly

child too sick to visit
rooms filled with empty people
daddy days are lonely
filled with fear, hatred and regret
lust for vengeance and violence
futility

no longer driving for hours
daddy days seem longer
innocent child
lacking hardness
exploring phonics
learning to use a potty
addicted to mighty machines dvds
likes trucks and cars
playing with water
lights and fans

poor child
accepting of reality
manipulating daddy
hurting inside
taking it out on me

i get what i deserve
i did not exit gracefully
was not a good partner
so its my turn to suffer
there has been so little self-reflection
i'm not sure how or what could have changed
how does one deal with inevitability
ignore it or invite it
the result is the same
divorce is in fashion
loyalty a disease
no one wants to be vegan
when its so easy to eat animals

but even as i spiral downwards
into poverty and despair
i have to learn forgiveness
for i need to forgive myself
and i cannot do that
unless i forgive everyone else
and i don't want to raise a child
in hate