vast pacific
stretching into infinity
healing with each breath
receding into memory
another move ends
entering a new space
next to an old friend
an olive tree
home for singing birds
sunsets and me
we miss the beach
and what it gave wantonly
to a lovely child
and heartbroken father
adventure and discovery
renewal and belonging
bonding and silence
peace, freedom and serenity
a year of growth
from two to three
co-parent to divorcee
all of living in between
moving away was hard
but it had to be done
to be closer to child
to lower carbon footprint
into suburbia's death
crass neighbors
sleepwalking through life
accepting monotony as routine
work, eat, sleep
repeating endlessly
child too sick to visit
rooms filled with empty people
daddy days are lonely
filled with fear, hatred and regret
lust for vengeance and violence
futility
no longer driving for hours
daddy days seem longer
innocent child
lacking hardness
exploring phonics
learning to use a potty
addicted to mighty machines dvds
likes trucks and cars
playing with water
lights and fans
poor child
accepting of reality
manipulating daddy
hurting inside
taking it out on me
i get what i deserve
i did not exit gracefully
was not a good partner
so its my turn to suffer
there has been so little self-reflection
i'm not sure how or what could have changed
how does one deal with inevitability
ignore it or invite it
the result is the same
divorce is in fashion
loyalty a disease
no one wants to be vegan
when its so easy to eat animals
but even as i spiral downwards
into poverty and despair
i have to learn forgiveness
for i need to forgive myself
and i cannot do that
unless i forgive everyone else
and i don't want to raise a child
in hate
