uncertainty

hot and sunny weekend
cool wind in the air
invaded by people
ducks and coots vanish
from the park
camping and birthdays
cars and balloons
no place left
for the animals

short daddy day
ate and played games
until
"i have a great idea
let's go to the beach, daddy
let's take the piano
and all my trucks"
dressed
ready to go
all of a sudden
life came crashing down
a child gets hurt
bleeding
cut eyelids
tears and fear
for child and father
as i tried to stop the blood
"is my eye going to fall out
is my brain going to fall out
is it going to hurt a long time"

anguish and agony
band aids and hugs
child crying and then asleep
back to his owner
i tried to explain
through questions and threats
i didn't see what happened
its not a deep cut
he woke up crying
"no, i don't want to go"
but daddy day was over
she demanded her child back
i handed him over
begged to stay with him
to a closed door

with heavy heart
leaving slowly
to live with guilt and worry
pain of separation
uncertainty
fatherhood in question
inadequacy
needing a shoulder
having none
what have i done
am i bad for my child
is he better off
without a part-time dad

living in relationship

cold nights
heated by early afternoon
disturbed
by noise of traffic
of thought and man
music inspires
numbing the pain away
of living alone

a child in childhood
freed from time
greed
responsibility
loving to run
hide and seek
playing electronic games
a lover of trucks
coloring
mazes and puzzles
singing
bells, flutes and drumming
learning mechanics
daddy young again
in paradise
for the moment
but then in painful loss
bittersweet attachment
in relationship
then alone again

humans are not islands
life is relationship
especially when trying to live
an ethical life
within society's thoughtlessness
the reasonableness of eating animals
and the persecution of dissenters
a few delinking from the chain
reeling in pain
losing a child to diet
the logic of fear
of specieism
a defensive world scorning
the passive aggressive of veganism
entering a new world
occupied by the like minded
living with femaleness
a vegan roomate
passionate about food
a great joy for a child
excited by mutual encounter
coming alive
three lives intertwined
in thought and experience
enriched with the art
of a vegan musician dancer
celebrating artful living
moths caught in the net
of unhappy relationship
sharing a jest for living
commitment to not being alone
to freedom from the known

new readings
into male violence
demonic males and nature ethic
radical ecofeminists
a second project
of lifelong interests
the results on live and happiness
of oppression of all other species
living with male conflict
ending female oppression
destroying patriarchy
with the logic of difference
through feminist actions
commitment to vegan diet
deconstructing masculinity
fiction's utopian imagery

working
counting people
decennial sociology
families in RVs
homeless in parks
retirees in a group home
most in their 80s and 90s

life on its edges

baseball on a tv
a wall fish tank
with small blue and gray fish
two old parakeets on a pole
short friendly dog
male servicemen
teams of women
proving long term care
mature white administrators
middle age black and latina clerks
young asian medical aides
residents staying active for years
most physically and mentally infirm
one resident a 101 years old
clinging to life preciously

life is precious
living fully
submersed in abandonment
but not detachment
freedom from comparison
attachment
beyond the past
peace and contentment