last weekend was special
our first overnight
followed this weekend
with two nights sleepover
over 50 hours together
friday afternoon to sunday afternoon
jad is good at so many things
memory
rhyming words
explaining how stuff works
guessing the motivations of others
balancing on my shoulders
riding with training wheels
imaginative play
and on and on
we went to a fair
in eldorado park
our first scary ride
left us both with headaches
bumper cars was fun though
but just when he'd become
well-adjusted to life again
the helpless child has to leave
and things start to go downhill
on back to all-day school monday
by tuesday, he's mal-adjusted
raving mad again
unintelligible
on the phone
at 8 pm
crying inconsolably
today
four hours
after school visitation
was not enough
i sing a song
i promise to visit him in school tomorrow
he says lots of "bye"
mom sighs - oh jad
mom asks - do you feel better
"no" he replies
a boy really misses his father
"dad, i really really miss you"
"i want to live at your house all the time"
"i want to be with you only"
"i dream of you"
"i cry and cry for you"
how does one explain attachment
to a four year old child
who only knows sorrow
or a forty year old mother
who refuses to see his sorrow
trapped
between selfish parents
focused only on their physical survival
children born to joy and creative discovery
are starved emotionally
endless tears going unheeded
until they shrivel up inside
die emotionally
surviving on the life support
of escape
instant gratification
and endless desire
