no one

it's mid-august heat
the ants are back
all over the kitchen
bathroom
everywhere

there is no one
to talk to
to listen to
to walk with
who would understand
i am alone
and this computer
is the only friend
and home

it all started two days ago
during saturday visitation
son told cousin zee
he was at his favorite place
dad's home
then later he told dad
he cries to sleep
missing dad
every night
it didn't affect dad until sunday
when the child left
tears for the first time
in a long time

two days later
next daddy day
child sick with allergies
dad helpless
wanting fresh air at the beach
child wanting radiator springs
at dad's home

allergies got worse
and jad was asleep
by the time he got dropped off
so innocent in the rare view mirror
dad missing him already
we go with just 4 hours visitation
in 4 days!
too little time
for any child
and dad

tears are endless again
i miss my son
i wish i didn't feel so sad

fear power

i finally made it to the judge
totally railroaded
old geezer allen
overlord of room a
norwalk family court
not a father-friendly place
still 10% visitation with son
yet father pays half of all medical
regardless of father's wishes
mother can get passport for son
and all required vaccines
she can have father drug tested twice
anytime in the next 6 months
mother already has all the power
and is using the court to get more
all in the name of her child's wellbeing
stuck living
in an upstairs apartment
two bedroom two bath
wanting to move to a downstairs
so my son can play outside
a rental became available
my dream house
not far from anaheim
small two bedroom cottage
one-bath with front yard
side yard with sun for gardening
huge back yard
it's the ex-inlaws property
grandpa called me to look at it
grandma cleaning everything
preparing it for grandson
painting the laundry shed
new floors, new stove
jad and michelle excited
nathan says its like a park
we fill out the app
print out credit reports
grandpa gives lights and ac
everything set to go
then i call her about visitation
and she used her power
to deny us the rental
and deny her own son
a better place to live
a better life with dad

greed and power is learned from fathers
having taught her to be merciless
that power is now used to hurt his grandson

use power carefully son
it has been used against me
and it only harmed you
if you use it against others
it will eventually hurt those you love