trusting the mother

day after day,
love turns grey...




it is a beautiful evening
with the moon almost full;
moonlight filters through
and reflects off
marine layers of fog
so the nights are brighter

as summer approaches
it is warm with a cool breeze;
the morning fog lingers
throughout the day
making it cooler than normal

sounds of birds are everywhere
crows, wrens, starlings, doves
seagulls, bluejays...
mating calls fill the air;
there are more birds now
than in previous springs

the days are long and tired
as i fight off depression
and feeling sorry for myself

two more weeks of work
and i'll be unemployed again
fired from four jobs in six years

i am a terrible worker
lazy and inconsiderate
i hate working these jobs
and it shows

is the earth mother
trying to tell me something?

what is right livelihood
and how do I find it?

another search begins
for a job i don't want
and feel i can't do
but one which i must do

facing rejection after rejection
and the frustration
of underemployment

yet i must not despair
the mother has provided
and i am truly blessed

she is leading me
step by step
towards something meaningful
and rewarding
i must be patient
and trust her

i will allow myself to be guided
i will not let my fears
or the fears of others
interfere with her plans for me

fear is thought
thought is fear
to end fear
i must end thought