last days

start me up...

it was evening
the sun was down
as i sat in the garden
enjoying the smell of salvias
looking at the brushes

suddenly it came
a hummingbird
so delicate and swift
it seemed surprised to see me
sitting there in its spot

they always come at this time
to feed on the native plants
it hovered around
and came quite close

part of me was fearful
it could poke me eyes out
another part was in complete awe
as i watched it for a few seconds
then it was gone

i felt so alive
so in the moment
to be in its presence
privileged to share its space

me and jad go for walks each afternoon
i use an over the shoulder baby holder
holding his body close to mine
allowing both hands to be free
people look at me strangely
as if to say,
wraps should not to be worn by men

the lord buddha is so quiet when we walk
he looks around intently
taking in all the sights and sounds
after a while, he gets tired and sleepy
he'll take a few minutes nap
then he'll open his eyes again
as if he did not want miss the world

i feel so blessed that he likes to go for these walks
it is fast becoming my favorite part of the day
we walk around the neighborhood track
and then after an hour
i take him home again to feed from sush

the avian flu now spreads from human to human
will it be a pandemic?

throughout earth's history
there have been several mass extinctions
is this going to be another one?

i am part of this same earth
from dust to dust
I have always been here
will always remain here

so what is it that dies
my thoughts, memories
the collected experiences of the past
the me, ego?
i want to let go of all this
so death is a good thing
finally, an ending to thought

i am only afraid of death
when i am not alive
not in the moment
living my life in the past

to be alive
to live from moment to moment
is to live with death
from moment to moment

to live in the moment
is to be absent from the self
from accumulation of the ego
it is to have an experience
without a memory of it remaining
after the experience is gone

like the glory of that hummingbird
seeing its incredible beauty and grace
for a moment
then letting go
after it is gone
not wishing for it to stay
or to have that experience again
living without a trace
of the past
ending thought...