days with no son

the long
and winding road
that leads
to your door
shall never disappear...

its so hard
to imagine
having children
when you hardly ever see them

she drove the child over
after four days
of absence
lifetimes of loneliness
uncertainty and unease

the boy sat in the car
waiting impatiently

dad was on the phone
with an insecure realtor
talking about a 2 bed condo
in cerritos for $255k

she took her son
out the child seat
and car
and bought him
towards dad

the child seemed upset
shy and hesitant
he's always been
insecure about his father
the child acted reserved
as if he wondered
if dad would reject him
again

he appeared angry at his father
obviously pained and hurt
by their separation
and perhaps he blamed dad
for abandoning him
and for destroying
his family

instead of dad's usual excitement
and rushing towards his son
as he used to
when the child lived at home
dad was subdued
frozen like a statue
by the front door
as tears rolled off his cheeks

she passed the child over
dad held his son dearly
in the moment
sad
then happy
then nothing

feeling whole
complete
immense relief

nothing else mattered
but being with the lord
it was all dad cared for

it was a moment
of forgiveness
compassion
acceptance
a moment absent of everything
and yet
encapsulating
the universe
a moment
to forget
lost
without a trace
a moment
without thought