clear cool skies on the beach
big puffy clouds inland
a few drops of rain
washes the air clean
but cannot quench a desert's thirst
in new york for a week
the temperate forest is vast and alive
pine and oak perfume the air
in the heart of the biggest city
for the first time this week
i picked up my three year old at pre-school
he's too young for this
but what do father's know
he was playing alone in the sand
as 15 kids buzzed around
as we eat and prepare to leave
four girls chant
"jad, jad, jad,"
i wonder if they do this
when all the boys leave
daddy days are too short
and too few
i pack food and drive an hour
to become a father at ten am
greeting a fussy child
who is then trapped
in a child seat and moving car
for another hour
to daddy's exile
poor child
too depressed, bored and tired
to enjoy anything
park, beach, museum
at noon we struggle to eat
the food i heated up at 9am
is now cold and unfresh
everything gets tossed
nap time
too hungry to sleep
more driving until finally
asleep by one pm or later
for longer periods these days
i stare and ponder our life
but even before he awakes
its time to head back
awaking during the trip
hungry and energetic
but it's time to say goodbye
daddy day is over
separation anxiety ensues
each time
the child hopes and prays
his parents would get back together again
but it's no use
his mother doesn't want daddy back
like all right-minded
practical
positively oriented people
she's already moved on
new work, wardrobe and renewed sexuality
anything to escape
the bitter reality she creates daily
for an innocent child
we watch as they drive off
"where is he talking my mommy?"
how can you talk about betrayal to a child
mothers will never understand
how their sexuality affects sons
it is the main cause of marginality among men
as they seek to possess something they cannot have
boys are naturally jealous
even of their own fathers
so when strangers have close relations with their mother
powerless to do anything about it
sons implode and go insane
especially with fathers still in the picture
this betrayal damages their lives forever
how do i help my son
cope with his mother moving on
if i was out of the picture completely
it would be easier for him
to grow and accept the constant betrayal
that will eat away his psyche
plus the back and forth between parents
breaks his heart three days a week
confuses his reality
and disturbs whatever bit of stability he has
is my attachment to my child
and continuing to see him
even so few hours each week
damaging him even more
by constantly rubbing salt on wounds
that never get a chance to heal
is it responsibility
or pride
that keeps me from giving up
from moving on
from a 40 year old child
her offspring
and a tricked i was played
sadly, divorce is rarely once
and mothers drag sons
through the living hell
of various men's lives
all this time
to be tormented and abused
as she is
plus from her sexuality
sons are psychologically raped
in more ways than a mother ever know
transient and disfigured for life
a part-time single dad
may be the only safe space
a broken boy could share silently
his life of betrayal
father's of such sons
cannot move on
not if they care for their child
because they know their child
can never move on
moving on is different for girls
its why they can adapt better
but they have other issues
related to mom's sexuality
as the men exploit them sexually as well
what is the use in having a child
if you cause them to be abused like this
intentions are worthless
as the pain and suffering it causes
multiplies
mothers who have no idea how to live their lives
and who are thoughtless as to how
they continue to ruin their own children's lives
are the last that should be encouraged
to move on
for women sold a consumerist dream
of freedom, independence and the pursuit of happiness
will forever remain disappointed
as men continue to use them as long as they can
forcing them to continually use sexuality
to seek the great american illusion
moving on
is really moving around
back into the circle
becoming trapped again
in the space that exist
between the desire to escape
from present pain
and the certainty of future conflict
in this chaos
there are possibilities
a creative space
of daily deaths and rebirths
from which emerges
a freedom, independence and happiness
that does not require escape into mutual use
a single parent alone but never lonely
one who understands
what moving on is
what it does to already damaged children
someone who has moved on
from escaping through mutual use
