precious

war in the east
war in the west
war up north
war down south
everywhere is war


the days are hot
and so too the evenings
there is no respite from the heat

or from the gods of war
perpetuating endless violence
onto this innocent world
killing innocents
in the middle east
south asia
east africa
everywhere

religious and ethnic extremists
fueling the war profiteers
both prospering
as civilians suffer

i feel fearful
anxious and confused
of crime and terrorism
racism and zionism
american domination
at home and abroad

the little buddha is so precious
sleeping swaddled
wrapped
kept from scraching his ears
face, and eyes
almost five months now
sleeping in my arms
for hours
together
a closeness
that creates pause

from sna to cvg
the plane trip lasted four hours
jad did not like it one bit
crying inconsolably
most of the way back
i rocked him on my right shoulder
using the boppy for support
while
whispering shushhh
for hours at a time

our lord has a hot body
always warm
sweating from his head
and on his back
he hates the car sear
wakes up every two-three hours
gets bored and cries
he loves the outside
it calms him down
and meeting new people
puts a smile on his face
bouts of giggling

sush is so beautiful
such a wonderful wife
a caring mother
she feeds our lord
every two hours
24/7
feeding in her arms
so lovingly
and so tired

nisha and mono were such fun
full of energy
mono at nine
and nisha at six
are so bright
full of life
with a joy of being children

their parents might break up
mom and dad both resigned
sadly
the girls especially heartbroken
they are always missing dad
and will miss him more now
nisha likes her aunt so much
and considers me funny

nisha asked, "could you please stay longer?"
i explained, "i may have an interview."
"what is that?"
"it is part of finding a job."
she sweetly explained,
"but you already have a job.
it is to take care of baby jad."

i was really stunned
if you love your child
you would listen to them
a father's time
is most important
for girls and boys

it is very hard
for two people alone
to take care of a baby
every moment of each day
yet childcare is also very rewarding
it feels good to be needed
children need their parents
my first job is to take care of little buddha

i cannot bear to hear gautam cry
i take siddhartha
rock him
help him to practice standing up
and get him to play with toys

each evening
i give him a bath
we walk around the neighborhood
for an hour
to jacub park
watch the children and dogs play
little buddha learns each day
wanting to taste everything
listening
changing each day

even though i enjoy feeling needed
i also crave time away from him
and feel guilty for it
I feel tremendous pressure
and further guilt
to do other things
a job hunt
changing career
finding insurance
childproofing the house
reorganizing the garden
following the internet news
eating
using the bathroom
watching tv

the mind conforming
to economic and security fears
racing away
thoughts unending
of stocks and real estate
starting a home business
studying law
getting out of teaching
pursuing
prestige and security

fear
trumping
guilt
of being way from the buddha
endlessly thinking...