confusion

you just can't believe me
when I show you what you mean to me
you just can't believe me
when I show you what you cannot see

the heat is natural
for a coastal desert
but it confuses
the transplanted landscape

the lawns are parched
non-native plants wilt
air conditioners burn out

the sun's powerful rays
penetrate all illusions
of tropical grandeur

a hawk swooped down
swiftly and silently
perching high
on a canary island pine tree

following its movements
from limb to limb
tree to tree
it was aware of me
but i was oblivious
to its mission
of finding a nest

the wrens flew out hastily
in panic, confused

a baby died
a mother cried
the hawk ate a meal
to survive

so unlike me
amidst plenty
always "needy"
greedy

survival
is too primitive
i want more
and more
and more

how much more do i need?
i have enough
why can't i stop?

i want meaning
rightful living
is this even possible?
will thought get me there?

the buddha is still
sleeping
so tiny
but growing up fast
five months now
starting to sit up
with support
holding on longer
with small fingers
a joy to just observe

my lord still has his dolphin laugh
loves "shak attack"
and other strange sounds
thumps his right hand
against his thighs
when happy
grabs his toes
during tummy time
he turns over
onto his back
on his own

he is teething
chews on anything
and everything

no confusion here
jad loves to play
and can't stand
being left alone

sush sits up day and night
for hours at a time
feeding
and comforting him

while i obsess
over his future
and ours...

all this thinking
leads to more confusion

to end confusion
thought must end