living on the coast
allows you to escape
inland heat
running, biking, skating, walking
people are more relaxed
friendly
i got the greatest gift today
my child for a few hours
he curses a lot
i don't care and ignore it
likes playing with trucks
and mixing liquids
says the saddest things
"no one loves me"
"i like only you"
sometimes
divorced dads need a break
from the agony of co-parenthood
from the raging battle
over a three year old
watching helplessly
as a child's life
rolls down hill
faster and faster
the destruction gaining momentum
on an energy of its own
as if by design
the drama unfolds
in every possible way
for empty egos
to fill themselves
with self-induced pain
in order to gain sympathy
with false friendship
narrow minds
filled with hate
become very predictable
today i was told
the exchange point was changed
to the police station
poor child
the white desk officer was sympathetic
saying this required court orders
and as fate would have it
i got arrested by an asian cop
a few hours later
for riding while black
for not having a bike license
the first such citation in santa monica
at the top of the california incline
reminds me of the importance of freedom
and anti-apartheid work
in order to do what i must
i have to stop being who i am
sorrow's cry is powerful
perhaps overwhelming
it is also healing
there were many attempts
over the years
opportunities to hear its urgent call
i broke down and listened
for months
but then i escaped
into someone else
and became deaf again
this time around
i stayed with it
got into it deeply
deeper than ever before
with no one around
and no chance to escape
suddenly one evening
as i drove in tears
it dawned upon me
that my pain was a lesson
sorrow is really universal
and if i continue to view it
as my own individual pain
i will live in illusion
feeding my ego
in self-pity
sorrow was transformed
there was a release of sorts
it doesn't have the same strength
not as paralyzing as before
i am free for a while
